“Name That Film“, meine Lieblingsgruppe im ganzen weiten Internet, hat in einem Thread die eindeutigsten Anzeichen gesammelt, ob man sich in einem post-apokalyptischen Film befindet. Ich habe die bisherigen 58 (still counting) Einträge gefiltert und hier zusammengestellt.

Als Bonus und Bestätigung vieler dieser Punkte, gibt es am Ende des Beitrages noch ein Exemplar des hier so fabelhaft beschriebenen Genres kostenlos zu sehen. Don Johnson, in Begleitung eines telephatischen Hundes, spielt die Hauptrolle in “A Boy and His Dog” und ist der Menschheit (dessen seltsamste Vertreter natürlich unter der Erde wohnen) letzte Hoffnung auf Nachwuchs.

#1. If you are a male, you have a mullet, yet no one is laughing at you.
#2. Suddenly all sports and games of chance are “to the death”: boxing, basketball, drinking games, motorcycle races, Old Maid.
#3. You are surrounded by people with mohawks, face paint and/or tattoos, leather jackets, studded bracelets, and dominatrix outfits, but you aren’t at an Exploited concert or 2-for-1 night at the Iron Eagle leather bar.
#4. You have a sudden desire to pimp your car/motorcycle/bicycle with one or more of the following items: armor plating, barred windows, guns, spinning rotary blades of death.
#5. No one has last names anymore, and badass-sounding one-syllable first names are preferred. Anyone who would introduce themselves as “I’m Clarence Higgenbottom III” has already met an untimely end.
#6. Mutants! (Or people who just look like mutants)
#7. If there is a rumored “paradise” or “promised land”, you won’t find it. It will turn out to be a) a trap b)just as bad as everywhere else, or c)the movie will end before you get there.
#8. Guns may be around, but people prefer more unique and stylish weapons such as flamethrowers, arrows, killer boomerangs, whips, and the ever-popular crossbow-on-a-gauntlet.
#9. There’s a megalomaniac around with a crazy plan to fix society by such means as: rejecting all technology, reviving the exact technology that caused the apocalypse in the first place, breeding with the last fertile women, killing all the fertile women, or simply forming a Nazi biker gang. These plans never end well.
#10. Seeing your loved one(s) murdered before your eyes made you a bitter loner thirsting for revenge, but it’s not the Old West or ancient China (there may be kung fu and/or horses, however).
#11. The use of seatbelts is decidedly not in fashion.
#12. The sky is a strange colour , usually red.
#13. Mode of transport if not # 4 is either futuristic or horse and cart
#14. We only see what happens in America or America is the default saviour of the world.
#15. There just happens to be one person who knows how to save mankind.
#16. It helps if you ride on top of the bus or just stand up in a convertible.
#17. Also, somehow the place to be is the Junkyard/Quarry.
#18. Your grooming hasn’t suffered as much as one would expect.
#19. You feel an uncontrollable urge to beat Kevin Costner to a lifeless pulp.
#20. Canned goods have a shelf life of 25 years
#21. re:18….everyone has surprisingly good teeth
#22. Why are we in a desert???
#23 You find an ancient cave drawing, incription in a leather bound tome, a carved figure in a deserted ruin, or even a 100 year old dust covered portrait that suspiciously happen to look exactly like you. (this may also apply to time travel movies) (or you may be a vampire)
#24 You have a chainsaw for a hand.
#25 giant scorpions and man eating cockroaches abound
#26 A little robot boxes up all the trash and stores them in giant edifices.
#27 8 Skeins of Danger: sends you a note: “Hi, I’m an admin for a group called APES SHALL RULE US ALL”
#28 You live in a castle with a dragon alarm and fire sprinklers rated at 4000 degrees Centigrade.
#29 Cannibals… doooooon’t forget the cannibals.
#30 Dennis Hopper has set up some kind of evil fool’s paradise that will be overrrun and/or blown up in the end.
#31 A prominant American landmark is sticking out of the sand when you go to the beach.
#32 Somewhere, underground the mutant descendents of 20th century earth are worshipping the last functioning “doomsday device.”
#33 You live in a cage underground and are repeatedly subjected to medical and/or time travel experiments
#34 Michael Caine sits down with you and advances the plot through expository dialogue (true of any film these days, actually)
#35 The Humans Are Dead (Affirmative. I poked one. It was dead.)
#36: You hear Don LaFontaine. You don’t see him…just hear him.
#37 Being unable to voice actual words is not necessarily an obstacle to social climbing.
#38 The veil of the temple will be rent in twain before we see the sign of the manifest flying beast head in the sky
#39 Fingerless gloves are fashionable. Villains, their goons and other assorted hoodlums favour studded leather, Downtrodden proletariat hobo scum wear woollen or cloth. The chief villain is likely to only wear one .. unless you live within the hermetically sealed bubble city, in which case you probably wear a diaphanous toga and a chrome headband.
#40 Any time machine you may encounter will only transport you to Los Angeles in the year the film was made no matter how hard you try to get it to go somewhere more interesting.
#41 Whenever someone dies, their body is put through the Juicinator and cold filtered to reclaim their precious waters.
#42 You get upset when pig crap tops $100 a barrel.
#43 There is a guy with some major physical deformities, living in a hidden location, that you can take any mechanical junk to, and he will tell you what it was before the apocalypse. Use his talents wisely as he will be killed shortly after you meet him.
#44 You can hear my inner monologue.
#45 I notice very important things off in the distance. So very far away….
#46 Two words – Toaster Ovens
#47 You computer operating system is DOS with graphics by ATARI.
#48: Effete, transhuman immortals enslave humanity, but become consumed with ennui and yearn for death.
#49: Sean Connery appears in a red diaper and shoots them.
#50 Some gofer with weird hair always serves the main villain.
#51 Everyone is a cannibal, except for you, your son, and the grizzled old man whom you meet on the road to exchange pithy comments with.
#52 You’ve been captured by a primative tribe of pre-teens, who poke at you with sharp sticks and spend a lot of time fixing up their headscarves and facepaint.
#53 The sudden discovery of a single small plant sprouting from the wasteland announces to everyone that everything’s going to be all right again.
#54 You stumble onto an abandoned military base and discover a stash of miraculously still-functioning harrier jets that you teach yourself to fly in a week.
#55 Two words: “Thunder Dome”
#55 Peter Noster is watching your movie.
#56. “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”
#57 The moon is missing, or broken, or otherwise in the wrong place (too far or too close) in the sky.
#58 – Eye patches.

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